Posts
If you haven't, you should read it.
The gist: Ashley Judd has a new TV show. When watching the TV show, many people (myself included) noticed that Ashley's face as, well, puffier than usual. Then some people and news outlets decided that it was important to give reasons as to why this puffiness happened. Some were cruel and all were wrong. Ashley Judd, rightfully, got pissed and wrote an awesome article about how it is ridiculous how we view and treat women.
She also pointed out how this all stems from patriarchy and, perhaps most importantly, that patriarchy is not just men. She writes,
Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges, inter alia, the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it. This abnormal obsession with women’s faces and bodies has become so normal that we (I include myself at times—I absolutely fall for it still) have internalized patriarchy almost seamlessly. We are unable at times to identify ourselves as our own denigrating abusers, or as abusing other girls and women.
We women are a part of the problem.
Last week, I found myself on a first date. In the days leading up to it, I found myself looking at other women and at myself. Was I pretty enough? Did I look better than other women? I went and got my nails done and my eyebrows waxed. I shaved. I put on makeup. I put on heels. I walked down the street, towards the restaurant, hoping I looked better than most of the women walking down the street and terrified that I looked worse. The thing is I normally don't give a crap about this (okay, I do care a bit, but not nearly as much). I only cared because I was going to see a man and I was hoping that he would think that I fell into that beautiful category.
Now don't get me wrong. I like getting my nails done and putting on heels every once and a while even when there is no man on the horizon. But I also don't feel obligated to do it when there is no guy on the horizon. I feel the need to be "beautiful" and to be "better looking" than other women when I am in the dating world. And, many friends and family, would say that I should feel that need.
In my everyday life, I go around spouting that inner beauty is really what is important. And I believe that, wholeheartedly. But...when you put me in a position where I feel as though I am competing for a guy, and that all goes out the window momentarily. I put on the dating battle gear and smile and go out into the world, thinking negative thoughts about myself and other women. I forget my assets, my skills, my wonderful qualities, that have nothing to do with whether my face is puffy or if I have a pimple. The feminist in me disappears and I play into all the patriarchy.
The funniest part is that I would never want a man who just wanted me for my looks.
So...what is my point? I guess it is that most of us are complicit in patriarchy in some aspect of our lives. And that if you've been friends with a middle school girl, you know that sometimes women/girls are each other's worst enemy. Some of us hoped that crap ended in middle school, but, newsflash, it didn't. And it won't stop unless we stop our own craziness and support each other. Ashley Judd put it better in her article. So go read it.
Last week, I found myself on a first date. In the days leading up to it, I found myself looking at other women and at myself. Was I pretty enough? Did I look better than other women? I went and got my nails done and my eyebrows waxed. I shaved. I put on makeup. I put on heels. I walked down the street, towards the restaurant, hoping I looked better than most of the women walking down the street and terrified that I looked worse. The thing is I normally don't give a crap about this (okay, I do care a bit, but not nearly as much). I only cared because I was going to see a man and I was hoping that he would think that I fell into that beautiful category.
Now don't get me wrong. I like getting my nails done and putting on heels every once and a while even when there is no man on the horizon. But I also don't feel obligated to do it when there is no guy on the horizon. I feel the need to be "beautiful" and to be "better looking" than other women when I am in the dating world. And, many friends and family, would say that I should feel that need.
In my everyday life, I go around spouting that inner beauty is really what is important. And I believe that, wholeheartedly. But...when you put me in a position where I feel as though I am competing for a guy, and that all goes out the window momentarily. I put on the dating battle gear and smile and go out into the world, thinking negative thoughts about myself and other women. I forget my assets, my skills, my wonderful qualities, that have nothing to do with whether my face is puffy or if I have a pimple. The feminist in me disappears and I play into all the patriarchy.
The funniest part is that I would never want a man who just wanted me for my looks.
So...what is my point? I guess it is that most of us are complicit in patriarchy in some aspect of our lives. And that if you've been friends with a middle school girl, you know that sometimes women/girls are each other's worst enemy. Some of us hoped that crap ended in middle school, but, newsflash, it didn't. And it won't stop unless we stop our own craziness and support each other. Ashley Judd put it better in her article. So go read it.
0 comments:
Post a Comment