Reasons

...it is fantasy to think that successful writers do not have these bored, defeated hours, these hours of deep insecurity when one feels as small and jumpy as a water bug. They do. But they also often feel a great sense of amazement that they get to write, and they know that this is what they want to do for the rest of their lives. And so if one of your heart's deepest longings is to write, there are ways to get your work done, and a number of reasons why it is important to do so.
And what are those reasons again? my students ask.
Because for some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth.
- Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird


I am not quite sure how I managed to study writing without being told to read Bird by Bird. I've seen it sitting on friends' shelves and always wondered why it was a book I had never encountered. About a month or so ago, I was reading a friend's blog when she mentioned it. Last week I bit the bullet and bought it. Last night I started reading it. Already I have notes in the margins, favorite lines that I want to share, parts where I say "OMG that is me". I love when you find yourself reading the perfect book, at the perfect time. This seems like one of those situations...somehow designed by the heavens to send you a message you need to hear.

I think it is apropos because I recently decided to return to grad school part-time next semester. Originally, I was to take the whole year off, allowing my heart and soul to live and breathe writing. What I realized about three weeks ago is that one, there is very little chance that I will be able to live off of only writing anytime soon, and two, I am someone who hopes to make a change in the lives of people not only through words, but also through larger, social work oriented projects. Also, I am afraid that I would never go back if I took too much time off. And just to be confusing, I am also someone that just really enjoys learning and I kind of miss being in class. Kind of.

But I've been scared. What if I don't find the balance between the two? What if I abandon writing again? What if I am sitting in class, wishing I were writing? Of course, people do it everyday. They find the balance between school and work, work and play, work, writing, school and play. Friends of mine are doing this as I write this. I just tend to think everyone else is more talented than me.

But positivity! A month ago, I sat at my computer when a little voice came into my head. This is what you want to do. So I know that now. And I know there are ways to get the writing, and the studying, and the social working done. Because there are a shit ton of good reasons to do so. Two such reasons: books are awesome and helping people is awesome. And boy oh boy would I love to write books and help people.

And because my brain likes to jump from writing to songs that have the words I've just written in them, here is a musical interlude: